My mother was sitting on a chair when I walked into the house. With the television turned on, she stared blankly into the empty wall. The house looked messier than I remembered. There were strips of pills, test reports that laid scattered on every table. Clothes, thrown haphazardly out of the closets as if everyone was living out of their suitcases. She invited me in like I wasn’t visiting but had been there all along. […]
When you use a substance as a social lubricant to quell your nerves, it backfires.
It has been over a month since I lost my job. And while hearing about the massive amount of job losses and businesses shutting down all over the world did cause some anxiety, I couldn’t relate. Not until the moment I realized I didn’t know where my next paycheck was coming from. You can empathize, pray that it doesn’t happen to you, or plan if it does but, there’s no way to predict your actions […]
Our brains were not wired for chronic stress. Every time we are in a stressful situation, we activate what is known as the "fight or flight mode" - our body's response to imminent danger. Now, imagine activating this stress response for something like a credit payment or your fears of starting out on your own, rather than a life-threatening event. Do you see what you're doing? Putting your body through a constant state of worry. What good can come out of that?
I have tried several approaches to writing. Most of it replicating someone else’s and the rest focusing on my failures. I don’t think it worked, don’t think it was supposed to anyway. How would it when I couldn’t even get past the idea of simply writing? The struggle to keep up with my own perception of things gets scarily difficult as I sway from one thought to another. Without awareness. Without meaning. Which leaves me wondering […]
Its as if with each passing year we lose a part of our-self, on a path of being cloned into replicas of people we never wanted to become. Living in only a carcass of ‘normal’ as the present ceases to exist. We live, every day, hoping for the future or lingering in the past. I have come to realize that I am every other person but, me. Masking myself with colors of the familiar. Scared […]